Although Ripple Friends may require less of your time and attention, they are still crucial to the well-rounded individual you want to be. These people do not know you as well as your closest friends, so you might have to be on your best behavior. Communication with them might require a little more effort. They do not necessarily share a history with you so there are no private jokes -- at least not yet -- and there is no excusing your behavior. It may not be possible for you to let it all hang out around them. They do not have full knowledge of your accomplishments or your defeats. In a way, this can be a good thing. They have befriended you for who you are right now, at this moment in time. Old friendships may be on automatic pilot. New friendships can be fresher, more spontaneous, more relevant to the life you are leading now. Ripple Friends might be neighbors, coworkers, parents of your children's friends, members of your extended family, buddies at the gym, fellow carpoolers and commuters, acquaintances and colleagues from community service or charity work or church, friends of your parents or siblings, and fellow hobbyists.

Close friends tend to have the same values we do; they usually have similar goals, interests, and lifestyles. Ripple Friends, however, may be completely different from us. They may have diametrically opposed political views, different backgrounds, values, interests, strengths, and talents. Ripple Friends might be younger or older than we are. Younger Ripple Friends can be exciting and may draw us into unusual and life-enhancing activities. Ripple Friends might promote risk taking, in that they often expand and flex our sense of self and require us to try new things and talk about new and different ideas. And keep this in mind: older Ripple Friends provide an excellent hedge against creeping ageism and can be excellent role models.

REFLECT

Reflect on your circle of friends. Spend some quiet time or practice a meditation. Then try this exercise.

The Tea Party

Visualize that you are giving a special tea party for your best friends. There is a big round table, and you have spread it with your best tablecloth. The tea is steeping in the pot. You have set the table with lovely china and bought special scones and clotted cream. A pitcher of fresh daffodils sits in the center of the table.

Now, ask yourself how many places you will set. Will it matter who sits next to whom? For starters, invite only close friends.

At Buffy's tea party there are, including herself, eight women: her sister Susan (whom she calls by her childhood nickname, Gogo); her two sisters- in-law, Donna and Alison; her friend Kate; her friend and business partner, Kathy; her former next-door neighbor, Patti; and her friend from childhood, Molly. These are women she speaks to and sees as often as she can. When she turned fifty, she used some frequent flyer miles and had her party in New York City, instead of Los Angeles where she lives, because almost all of these women live on the East Coast. These are the women she invited to her birthday, and these are the women at her tea party. These are the women she thinks to celebrate with. When she is sad or having a crisis, these are the women she needs to speak with.